Knickers in a Knot

Health and Aging

2005-10-02T07:36:00.000-07:00

I'm amazed at how many people don't seem to think about the impacts of their health behaviours when they are young and middle aged- and seem not to understand that it will make their older years so much harder if they don't look after their physical and mental health. I have people in my life who are aging in both directions- and one looks a whole lot better than the other. Its sad, because you never want to blame people for their own health problems- but I taking the personal accountability out of it seems to be too simple too.

And yet, its almost as if some of these people just can't seem to change the behaviours- drink less, smoke less, move more, eat differently, relax more. I know there have been times in my life where i get that I should change a habit- and its hard to do it, and i'm certianly (not by any means) perfect- but I think I'm on things enough that I'll age pretty darn well. Thats my hope anyways, and its part of what keeps me motivated to keep walking, running, biking, going to the gym, eating my veggies, getting sleep, and having lots of fun in my life.

I'm at the age where my parents, and the parents of many of my friends are having trouble. The older generation in my family is not doing well. I have one aunt who is a model of health- but the rest are all dealing with high blood pressure, addictions, stress, circulatory problems, and just an all round lack of joy. Its hard to watch. I know other people, like my aunt, and a rugged outdoors guy, a business man and others, who are active, don't let injuries stop them, they have fun, enjoy life, and are having very little health problems. So what are they doing that is different???

1. They are all outside a lot
2. They don't seem to care what others think- and make their own choices

Back again for some more knicks

2005-09-27T21:07:00.000-07:00

Knicks and Kicks...it's me again kids!

I needed a little break. But after a long day today, I found myself wanting to write. I found myself with thoughts in my brain that needed out of my head.

I found myself being the holder of lots of other people's secrets today. I don't really feel the need to blab to the world what they are- but I'm not sure keeping them in my head is all that helpful either. I'm really thinking about how many people I know who struggle with addictions and honesty. I know that life shows itself in patterns often...and I am trying to make sense of the patterns I have seen lately. I'm seeing the people in my life age in ways that looks isolating and lonely. Whether its through drugs or judgemental attitudes, it puts wedges between you and others.

I've also witnessed families where it seems like people's ability to laugh at the foibles that they all have, and to connect and support and celebrate each other is honestly shockingly good. Its fun to watch those families (like the one I spent some time with this last weekend)...but in other ways it can hurt - when i contrast it with what I know- I don't see how we could be there. Or maybe we could. Maybe its about making the choice to get to know each other a bit better- and to try supporting each other, so that we get a bit of practice at it before we really need it.

I never promised eloquent thoughts when i came back.

Like Crabs in a Bucket

2005-08-29T18:50:00.000-07:00

I am as crabby as a bucket of crabs. I am as blue as blue raspberry sno-cones, I am as irritable as the mosquito bites are on my lower back that I can't quite reach to itch properly.

Its the terrible horrible no good very bad day.

Okay, it was actually maybe not that bad. Its not like my life is super bad...my life is super great, but today I feel sad and challenged and like I just want a hug and someone to look at me with some warm goodness.

sigh.

On a side note, there was the dumbest report ever on the news the other day about the new government being formed in afghanistan. They were saying how 1/4 of all the seats were being saved for women- but that they were having trouble filling the seats due to the legacy of the taliban and the sexism built into their structures. They even showed a picture of the UN and Afghani people who were working together to build the government and highlighted that there were no Afghani women in the picture. Funny how the lack of Afghani women indicates there is sexism in their country, but all the American and UN Allys in the picture were male. What does that say about us...except that we have hypocrital media.

I thought for a moment I was a cultured grown up

2005-08-23T06:12:00.000-07:00

My sister and I visited my friend at work the other day- while we were waiting for our friend, there was lovely light classical music playing in the background. I can't tell you what it was because I don't own one stitch of this kind of music. I did think it sounded very sophisticated though and oddly relaxing.

So this morning, I thought I might switch my blasting of hip hop, pop and r n' b over to some classical. I really thought it might be a good idea.

YES, apparently I'm a tad off my rocker.

This music is not energizing, its not fun, its not exciting. Perhaps its sophisticated, but I've never aspired to be in boring sophisto-land anyways.

We will now resume regularily scheduled programming.

If only people listened better...

2005-08-22T20:54:00.000-07:00

Have you ever noticed that after a disagreement that two people often have a totally different understanding of the interaction? Why are human beings designed to get so hopelessly off base sometimes?

Maybe our gift is in our collective ability to see multiple realities, but our fatal flaw is in our abilities to distort things.

Like my friend, who I heard describe why our friendship is over. I know I clearly explained why, and yes, we both attribute responsibility for calling it 'over' to me. However, what she explained to our other friend...totally NOT the reason. Except the real reason was a total lack of self awareness, which even if she didn't say it- she demonstrated by being so totally off base.

And the bigger question is why it makes me feel better to type this out? Partially just to vent a bit about how clueless she can be sometimes- and also becuase I hate being mis-represented, and this feels like cleaning the record without me having to say "ummm, thats NOT it....", but its not going to change anything with her, but what I have learned is that nothing will change that. And frankly, I need to stop listening to what she has to say about me, becuase it really doesn't matter.

Its a matter of taste

2005-08-21T16:59:00.000-07:00

Its funny, I was buying some hair products the other day, and lamenting the amount I spend on shine sprays, root boosters, protectant for flat ironing, super yummy smelling conditioners etc. For a brief moment of insanity, I pondered buying a drug store brand- and then I came to my senses- every time I think that's a good idea, and buy something, I try it once or twice and end up throwing it out and buying the good stuff anyways.

I grew up with money- but I also grew up with parents who bought 99Cent shampoo at Kmart. I kid you not, and I think it was 99 cents for a litre. It was horrible stuff. When I turned about 12 I managed to convince my mom to buy me the $3.99 finesse. By the time I was 15 I had my own allowance, and there was enough of it to be able to factor in $14.00 bottles of Matrix VA-Va-vooom products (any other Ladies of the 80's remember that?). Now a days, its Aveda, or KMS- I like their products a lot, with a bit of Joico and Bed Head thrown in for fun. I just am not happy without good hair products.

I like to convince myself that its not because I'm a total consumer and I haven't fallen prey to the marketing plans directed right at my yuppie income. I like to think they are actually way better products that give me way better hair (and I do have great hair).

I feel so guilty

2005-08-18T21:27:00.000-07:00

Okay, first, lemme say, that while I wouldnt ever be heart broken if a guy didn't get ahold of me after getting naked (gasp, kids log out now) , if i've had fun, I like to hear some kind of peep. There are the guys that I know that I am never going to see again, that I sort of hope don't call so I never have to screen em. However, in this situation I had fun, and I wouldn't mind a round 2, so I was a tad delighted when he sent me a little note. Not so quickly as to freak me out but not so long as to be an afterthought, not mushy or looking for anything more, just a "hey that was fun, lets do it again" kind of note. Just my style.

Here's the other thing- he does hair. He's straight, (well at least Bi but i think he said straight), puts a smile on my face, and could possibly give me good hair too. Thats almost too much for one girl, a glow on my cheeks AND new highlights? I'm not sure I'll ever want to call his salon and make an appointment, but its funny anyways. It reminds me of this story i heard about this girl at the salon who got the full service deal.

Okay so you are maybe wondering why I feel guilty. Its for a whole other reason. I'm about to turn this blog into a reality tv commentary (wait, don't stop reading..it'll be quick). I heart Janelle on big brother. Any girl who can smile and say "goodbye bitches" on national television is okay in my books. Especially to self righteous sneaky girls who pray on toilets. I might steal that line for a few people in my life. Oh shit, there goes my Ghandi-esque calmness. Oops.

Talking about Hooking Up

2005-08-16T20:18:00.000-07:00

Even if you know its casual sex should you still call / contact the person in the days following? I usually expect it, but I don't expect to need to do it in return. I don't want to have a long conversation, and really, a voice mail is preferable to a conversation- but I like a little effort. It pays off well and if all went well, it likely to earn a round 2 with me. I sort of think as the girl, I don't need to be the one doing the calling after.

The dating vibe is not easing off. Okay, maybe its the hooking up vibe, and less about 'dating'. I still have the craving, and tend to be lining up a few other options for the week. They aren't all socially approved options, but they are options that give me the fun stomach butterflies that I so live for.

Side note on the friends book: its so good, and prompted me to get super clear in the muddy waters that are sitting between me and my friend, and made me re-appreciate the time one of my dearest friends and I hit a rough spot and she dropped everything to make time for us to wade into the muddy waters together and sort it out.

Ends and Friends

2005-08-14T20:38:00.000-07:00

I picked up this book today. Perfect timing as I contemplate the end of a friendship. Its 20 different women writing about how friendships end- and how as women we are taught that our relationships with men will inevitably end until we find "the one", but that our relationships with women will be "BFF" or best friends forever, as any 12 year old girl writing notes in class would know. When a friendship goes wrong, its not because you aren' t "the one"...its because something isnt working- someones changed, hurt, distanced, moving on, got their own shit, too scared to speak the truth...a million reasons. This book explores them- I just bought it today and i'm already 1/3 of the way into it.

It makes me think of a girl I was friends with in grade school- who was so outworldy perfect, but came from a home where she wasn't loved. People hated her for being perfect- pretty, smart, a suck up at school, and yet the girl all the boys wanted to fuck. It gave me great satisfaction in my 15 year old world to tell her I had had enough of her. I think now when I look back on it- I knew it came from a place of pain, but when your armour has no cracks in it to see the real you, it isn't easy to keep looking past it. The armour was pretty and fine, but not a real friend- and for the imperfect to cast off the perfect, its a major coup.

It makes me think of a friend who I adored- we laughed together and had similar plans to get out of the town we grew up in. Both smart girls with options, I thought we'd trail blaze the world together. I left and sent her shirts from the college I went to and she stayed close to home. She baled on plans over the holiday break to hang out with her boyfriend, her future husband, who she could see every day- when I was only home for a week. I was so shocked at her changing her dreams and goals that I walked away and never looked back.

It makes me think of a friend I met when I was learning about feminism. She was feisty and a rager against the patriarchal machine, and I found her refusal to apologize for the space she tookin the world inspiring. I was sad when she put that all aside to have the first boyfriend that came her way and went headlong into marriage and kids and I never heard her speak with that same fire again.

It makes me wonder who else I will write about this way? There are more stories in my life- of the woman who liked me when she was older and wiser, but didn't want me to come into my own. Of the woman who liked the smart friend, but not the sexy one, of the one who started doing coke and wearing fur. I have had some friends for 18 plus years- and we have grown and changed and our views maybe never lined up so much, but it didn't matter because there was always room for both of us. Right now I have girlfriends that I have had tough conversations with who are willing to make space where it hasn't always been, and who will laugh and dance till the wee hours- and who will also stay up all night when one of us needs support. I guess that's why we keep looking, because when they work, women's friendships are phenomenal.

It feels so complicated

2005-08-14T11:42:00.000-07:00

You know when you know a frienship is over- and you aren't sure how to acknowledge that? I'm so there with one of my friends. It was one of those friendships where I think she thought we were much closer than I did. I had fun with her, but the fun wore out quickly when the substance wasn't there to back it up. The substance, the sincerity, and the true fun- not the "act like you are having fun" kind. Its too bad, because I do think somewhere in there could be a really great person- but I don't have the energy to spare to be "best supporting actress" in someones unauthentic life. God that sounds harsh, but I think it might be true. I think we both know it, but I don't think we are going to talk about it. I think its just going to slide off into the friendship abyss. Maybe that's not so bad. I thought I might need to say more, but I think I'm done.

Beauty and the Blog Pictures

2005-08-13T09:03:00.000-07:00

Somehow the world of blogs has become like advertising. You know how the media gets critcized for only using slim, usually white, tall models for their adverstising campaigns- and reinforcing all the horrible impacts that the message of "one kind of beauty" has on our world. Well, now I see women blogging, and regardless of how the women look, it seems whenever a woman has a picture of a woman on her blog its always a thin faced, stretched leg cartoon - maybe resembling this a little: (which by the way i really like- this guys art is super fun- so no disrespect to him in choosing this- he's got a wicked mix of different women)

What i mean though, is that I think some of us use blogs to present who we are to the world, and I think other people use them to say who they *wish* they were. I think it can be a bit of both, because as if any of us really ever knows or has any control over how people perceive us. But its interesting to me when i see this gorgeous artwork on a blog- respresenting the woman who is supposedly the blogger and then you see a clip of the woman and its not the same. It seems to me this could be a place where we could broaden the view of beauty in the world.

Its hard because a part of me says "yes, expand our view of beauty, girls put your real likeness up and quit trying to be someone else", and the other part is that I know I tend to read a blog for longer or be more interested if I find the person attractive. It's a bit like the judgments of life I guess.

Thoughts? (and.... the more i look at this guys art...the more I love it!)

More Things about Underthings

2005-08-12T06:50:00.000-07:00

Okay, so i chose the right one. I had a perfectly lovely time last night. All the good energy of getting ready for a date, a fun (albeit kind of nervous on both our parts) conversation at a pub on the lake, which lead into a fun night of getting to know each other's bodies. And i think we got rather well aquainted. He was a good mix of good nice guy with a dash of Kink. Just how I like em. My mind is happy from good conversation, my ego is happy from watching someone else get off, my body is happy from being treated delishously, and even my cheek that I wacked into a coffee table is happy to have a good story to tell today.

But the getting ready brought up the question. Do you ever wear a padded bra on a date where you think you might be taking it off. I have this spectacular bra- not super padded but it defintely gives me a lift and more boob than I usually have. Theres something though about needing to take that bra off that doesnt work. False advertising I say. I opted for the regular fun bra.

oh yah...

2005-08-09T19:13:00.000-07:00

oh i chose the funner sounding possibly kinky guy. i'll keep ya posted.

Oprah and Ducks

2005-08-09T19:08:00.000-07:00

Oprah did a show today about cheating husbands- and what their wives thought of it. It still amazes me how much anger is directed at "the other woman" in these situations. I still don't understand how the one person who has no committment to anyone, is the one person who gets the flack. Okay, not the one person, sometimes we call men "dogs" or we blame wives who start wearing mom jeans and wearing their hair in bobs and going to Sears on Friday night...but we always come back to the other woman. We love when the wife tears into her, calls her ugly, slutty, whatever. Now, I'm not saying I would aspire to the role of "other woman". Its a highly problematic role- however I don't think its one with much blame in it. Its got to be the right fit for your life at the time.

And PS. has anyone ever seen a duck like the duck in those afflack insurance commercials in real life? I've never seen a white duck.

I've got the itch

2005-08-07T17:35:00.000-07:00

You know when you are in the mood to meet somone new? I am in that mood these days. My dating muscles have atrophied somewhat lately, as I play social couch potato. I just haven't worked them too hard, and I'd hate to lose them completely. So, if i'm heading back to the dating gym- which machine shall I start on?

Theres the man who is a bit on the kinky side I think but more of a fun challenge (perhaps a bit like the elliptical trainer...a bit of variety), another man who seems a tad too interested, like sitting back and trying the recumbant bike- sure to get the desired result but in a slower less exciting way i think.

Either way, my heart rate needs to get up a bit. As is true with times I've slacked off on fitness, I have a tendancy not to ease back into things. Like going for a 10k and a bike ride, and a rollerblade and doing a hot set of arms / back all in one weekend. I'll keep you posted.

Not so much about underwear here

2005-08-06T08:08:00.000-07:00

I think people were expecting my blog to be about underwear...or dare I say it, PANTIES (does anyone actually like that word?). The knickers that are knotted, are rather metaphorical I must say. However, today, for your reading pleasure, you can have a small window into the knicker choices of your author.

You see lately there has been a shift in my knicker choices. For years, it was all thong all the time. And, don't get me wrong, there are still lots of times where the thong is the best choice going. We don't want knicker lines on great dresses. However, lately I have discovered the boy short. Now under a short kicky skirt, its nice to have a bit more fabric on the ass. However, they aren't super useful with anything dressy. Its like having 45 times more fabric than you are used to on your butt. I think the super low rise short is a good combo.

Some women swear that full butt underwear is more comfortable than a thong, and that they could never wear a thong. I disagree, thongs you never have to fiddle with, they just sit where they are supposed to, and don't budge. Shorts on the other hand, have a lot of room to move, and if they do wedge themselves in, thats a whole lotta wedgie.

Thoughts ladies? Or boys? Cuz here's the other thing I think...the boy short can be just as sexy as a thong.

Invasion

2005-08-06T07:43:00.000-07:00

I dont care how thirsty you are. Well okay, I do care- but not nearly so much that I would entertain the idea that your sneaking into my yard for a drink of water from my tap is a good idea. Particularily when I am daydreaming....

Suntanning...

In a thong...

You'd have scared the pants off me, if I had any on. Poor dude got an earful...and an eyeful.

Robin and Stedman

2005-08-05T13:43:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I occasionally watch daytime TV. I can't help it. Today, I caught a bit of good old family values Dr. Phil. And he was talking about his wife, Robin- who watches the taping of every single show. She seldom speaks, she just sits and then walks out with him at the end in her respectable family values knee length skirt, and good mom turtleneck sweater. She watches her husband work. Everyday he works, there she is.

Does no one else think this is crazy? What if Stedman watched Oprah work every day? Wouldn't we either think he was crazy controlling OR that their relationship was unhealthy? But Robin, nobody seems to mind. I don't get it. Its weird. How is that a healthy relationship. Maybe she's there just in case he switches his mind from wanting pork chops to steak, so he can just yell it back to her. Beck and Call. Yup, looks rewarding.

Really? Are you sure?

2005-08-05T04:25:00.000-07:00

Have you ever noticed that the people in this world who are the first to say "i'm a people pleaser", or "i can't help it, i'm nice", or "i want everyone to like me, so i let people walk all over me"--they are usually not that pleasing, nice or likable.

Maybe that's how they make sense of their strange behavior. Glad it makes sense to someone.

Miraculous

2005-08-02T21:57:00.000-07:00

Okay seriously. There was a plane crash in toronto today. It was a pretty ugly scene, and the stuff that the evening news is made of. Lots of flames, people willing to describe the harrowing ordeal as they were wheeled off the tarmac in wheelchairs, and lots of good smoking wreckage. Luckily no one died, which is the good news.

The ridiculous news? They are calling this a miracle. Yes a miracle. Wait a second, God couldnt stop the plane from crashing, but he could prevent them from dying? Seriously now, if you can do miracles, can't you do them all the time? Was the luggage filled with lucifer? Did it need to go?

Was God busy helping someone win a reality tv show or a sporting event and perked up mid crash to save the people?

Come on now...who really believes this shit. Oh hey, doesnt the dead pope only need one more miracle to be called a saint? Maybe it was Jean Paul calling out for a sainthood?

Movie Confidence

2005-08-01T20:44:00.000-07:00

The thing about knowing that you are smart, is that when watching a movie, if you experience a moment of confusion- you can rest assured that the general population is totally lost. Movies are designed for general consumption- and sadly the general populous is not so super good at following plot lines (turn on your TV at 8pm and watch the sitcom offerings), interpreting symbolism, irony, or subtlety. I don't want to write off anyone as not being capable of understanding it, but it always helps me relax in a movie when I'm momentarily lost to remember this fact.

Hard Wired My Ass

2005-07-31T23:20:00.000-07:00

I just talked to a guy who tried to convince me that "men are more hard wired to cheat" and women are "more suited to making love". Are you kidding me? Is this 2005? Would you honestly use your equipment as a rationale for why you would cheat? When did people stop making decisions and start giving themselves up to impulse? I would have way more respect for someone who says "i choose to cheat / have multiple relations" than someone who makes excuses.

And women being wired for love...all the time? come on now.

So it looks good

2005-07-31T07:46:00.000-07:00

Alright so I looked at her site, and I actually want to buy her book. Probably every blog writer out there is a Wendy groupie. Whatever, I'll read the book and still write my *own* extra witty and ever so real blog.

So There.

Here we go

2005-07-31T07:22:00.000-07:00

So, the template is done. I kind of like the mix between those cheeky red ruffled ones (i might need to order myself some of those ones!) and the pink boy shorts. Kind of a bit like me. Although if it was truly going to be a collage representing me, I might need one pair that was a bit ratty too. But then also a super racy pair too- we need both extremes in here to truly represent me.

So, this blog is a spot for my voice. Who knows yet what I will want to say. I read an article in Bust yesterday about Wendy over at Pound and as much as I like her writing, (in magazines, I'm going to go check out the blog after I write this), I felt a little bit, like "why do you get an article about your blog, you aren't any more interesting than me", so I thought to myself, "hey chicky, get writing". I don't want to look all jealous, because I guess that she is fabulous, but I *know* I'm fabulous, and I had no space to talk about it- I mean except real life, but there's something different about this venue.

A place to write when...

2005-07-30T16:37:00.000-07:00

my knickers are in a knot.